You can't count
Jill was in bed with a man who was not her husband and things were heating up. All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. |
"Oh my God, your husband is home. What am I going to do?"
"Aw, just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he ain't gonna notice you here with me."
The fear of getting caught trying to escape was more powerful than the thought of getting caught in bed with Jill, so he trusted her advice. Sure enough, Jill's husband came crawling into bed and as he pulled the covers over him, he pulled the blankets, exposing six feet.
"Honey!" he yelled, "What the heck is going on? I see six feet at the end of the bed."
"Dear, you're so drunk, you can't count. If you don't believe me,count them again."
The husband then got out of bed, and re-counted, "One, two, three, four... by gosh, you're right, dear!" as he stumbled back into bed.
Bubba comes back with the beer and finds Mark and Linda-Lou screwing right on the kitchen floor.
Bubba yells, "What are you doing Linda-Lou?"
She replies, "You told me to show Mark my best southern hospitality."
Bubba then says, "Gee whiz girl, arch your back, poor Mark's balls are on the cold kitchen floor."
His dad decides to have a little fun with Johnny, so he gives him four quarters, and says, "Why don't you go to the drug store and get me somewhat has what?"
Baffled but excited, Johnny scampers down the street to the drug store. He asks the druggist for some "what's what," and at first the druggist is confused, until he guesses that this kid has been sent out on a wild goose chase.
He replies, "We don't have any, but that building over there might." The druggist points towards a whorehouse.
Johnny, again excited, runs over to the whorehouse. He knocks on the door, and a naked women answers. He says, "I need some...hey, what's that?", pointing to her privates.
"What's what?" she replies.
Satisfied, Johnny says, "I'll take a dollar's worth!"
In a cocky manner, he asked, "Where are all the men's clothes?"
In a demure voice the clerk replied, "All of these clothes are for men, sir."
--Sucking noises under the table? I didn't hear any sucking noises under the table!
--Sorry I'm late, but when Hillary wants a quickie...
--First order of business: Is Linda Tripp lookin' fine since her surgery or what?!
--Janet, you look hotter than that inferno you caused in Waco!
--May I have one of your cigars Mr. President?
--You guys aren't just my cabinet officers... you're the last line of defense between me and all those slutty groupie types who just want to get into the president's pants!!!
--If I've told you once, I've told you a million times... No discussing this month's "Penthouse Forum" during cabinet meetings!!!
--Al, that's a brilliant idea!
--As President, I think we should ban all forms of pornography.
--We really don't need a White House intern program.
--I'm announcing our new Ambassador to Ethiopia: John Rocker.
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