Little Johnny's Dinner Story

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND..."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

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Pain In The Back

Paul and I were talking one day when Paul says, "I went to see the doctor the other day for that pain in my back."

"So what happened?" I asked.

"Well, he ran a bunch of tests, gave me some pills and sent me home. Told me to stay in bed for a week. He also told me to sit down whenever I had to pee. Can you imagine that? A grown man having to sit to pee?"

"Why would he want you to sit to pee?" I asked

"Well", said Paul, "With my bad back, he doesn't want me picking up anything too big."

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A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers: "I can lick any man in the place!"

The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says: "Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your first time in a gay bar?"

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Q. What's the definition of a maniac?
A. A Frenchman in a whorehouse with a credit card.

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At a party, a women was observing a child who would hold his chest whenever he bent down. After a few minutes, the woman asked the kid, "Why do you hold your chest whenever you bend down?"

The kid said, "One day, my teacher was writing on the board, the chalk fell down, and when my teacher bent down to pick up the chalk, I saw her lungs comes out of her chest."

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Frank was so excited to be going bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Then there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have sex."

Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we'll have rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it took several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned round to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said, "Admit it, Frank. You don't come here for the hunting, do you ?"

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Updated 9.6.2017 22:53
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