Euphemisms For Impotence

1. A few parts shy of an erector set
2. Not rising to the level of impeachable offense
3. Disappointing Miss Daisy
4. Ascension Deficit Disorder
5. Bouncing the Check of Love
6. All Doled up with nowhere to go
7. Serving boneless pork

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Buffy had been married about a year when one day the she came running up to her husband jumping for joy. Not knowing how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her.

"Why are we so happy?" he asked.
"Honey, I have some really great news for you!", she said.
"Great", he said, tell me what you're so happy about."
She stopped jumping and was breathless from all the jumping up and down. "I'm pregnant!" she gasped.
The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. He grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, and that he couldn't be happier.
Then she said "Oh, honey there's more."
"What do you mean more?", he asked.
"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
"It was easy" she said, "I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"

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An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father says to his oldest son, "Antonio! Why you-a such a fat-a boy?"
Antonio says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's spaghetti! I can't-a stop-a eating it."
Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites!"
Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Guido! Why you-a such a fat-a boy?"
Guido says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's lasagna. I can't-a stop-a eating it, it's-a so good."
Poppa says, "You should-a also take-a smaller bites."
Then Poppa says to his youngest son, "Vinny! How you-a stay so slim-a and-a trim-a."
Vinny says, "It's-a so easy, Poppa. I eat-a lots and lots of-a pussy."
Poppa says, "Pussy? Pussy, that's-a taste like shit!"
Vinny says, "Poppa, You should-a take-a smaller bites!"

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A doctor is making his rounds in the hospital when he comes upon a guy with the worst case of sunburn he has ever seen. The poor guy is burnt raw from head to toe and is in agony. He says to the doctor, "Is there anything you can give me to ease this terrible pain?"
So the doctor says, "Yes, I'll prescribe you some Viagra."
"Viagra?" asks the guy. "How will that help my sunburn?".
"It won't help your sunburn much" the doc says, "but at least it'll keep the sheets off it!"

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Hard to be hard on!

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Updated 21.3.2021 14:13
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