PMS

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there.

After the service, he was approached by a woman who said "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS"
The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it.

The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read, "And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."

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School Kids

A young pretty female school teacher had been telling her class about the value of being observant and said, "Now children, look at the clock; what does the clock have that I have too?"
One little girl stood up and said, "It has a face."
Another girl raised her hand and said, "It has hands."
"Splendid," said the teacher, "now what has the clock that I haven't got?"
After a long silence, little Johnny rose and said, "You ain't got no pendulum, Miss."

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The old perfesser thought he would give his wife a birthday surprise by buying her a fancy new bra. He entered a ladies shop, rather intimidated, but the salesgirls took charge to help him.
"What color?" they asked. He liked that sky-blue color.
"How much does it cost?" he asked.
"Twenty-four dollars," he was told.
"Ooh, 'at's expensive, but I guess it's ok," he told them. All that remained was the size, and of course he hadn't even the faintest idea.
"Now sir," said one of the salesgirls, trying to help out, "are her bosoms the size of a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grapefruits? Oranges?"
"No," said the old perfesser, "no, nothing like that."
"Come on, sir, think," she said. "There must be something your wife's bust resembles."
The old perfesser thought long and hard, then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"

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A guy and a girl are having sex when they both say, "I'm really hungry and thirsty too. It was freakin' freezing in the house so they both have an argument over who should go get the food and drink.

After a while they decide to have a contest. Whoever can come up with the best poem would be the one to stay in bed. They both think for a while...... then the guy says, "Okay, I got one...

Two times two is four, four plus five is nine, I can pee in yours but you can't pee in mine".

So she thinks for a minute and says, "Okay two times two is four, four plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you'll never know the depth of mine."

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Updated 9.6.2017 22:55
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