Bar

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her.

Before she could offer her apologies for staring, the young man whispered to her in a low, seductive voice, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one conditions'

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You must describe what you want me to do in just three words'

The woman considered his proposition for a few moments, then reached inside her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills. As she pressed the money into the young man's hand she looked deeply into his eyes and slowly, meaningfully said:
"clean my house!"

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Why fishing is better than sex!

* A big, juicy worm always gets a fish excited.
* You don't have to eat a fish while it's still flopping around.
* You can take a leak in the bush anytime you want.
* Stroking your rod won't piss off a trout.
* Sipping a beer and scratching your balls is all the foreplay expected of you.
* Anything you stick in a fish's face, it eats.
* A fish will never gag, choke, or come up for air.
* A red snapper won't cry if you call it a flounder.
* You wear rubbers on your feet, not on your dick.
* If you want a bigger pole, you can have a bigger pole.
* A smart fish knows when to keep it's mouth shut.
* It's okay to cook a fish to make it taste good.
* Fish bite for a guy of 60, same as they do for a guy of 20.
* You're never called a jerk when you throw back an ugly fish.
* Fish are real happy when you pick up your gear and go home.

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HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 20 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:

English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. I Love You

Spanish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Te Amo

French . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Je T'aime

German . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . lch Liebe Dich

Japanese . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . Ai Shite Imasu

Italian . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ti Amo

Chinese. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . Wo Ai Ni

Swedish . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Jag Älskar dig

Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma,Texas Louisiana, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, West Virginia, Mississippi and Kentucky...

Nice Tits

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A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special.

All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my Breasts! Grab my breasts!"

The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he can help.

She explained that she wanted to return the nonworking toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special.

Once again she yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!"

The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase.

She replied, "Because I like my breasts grabbed when I'm getting screwed!"

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Updated 9.6.2017 22:56
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