By the inch

Three friends decided to visit a prostitute -- a white guy, a black guy, and a Jew. It was a slow night, so she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch."

When the white man comes back out his friends ask, "How much did she charge you?"

"$75 dollars," said the first.

The blackguy goes in and returns with a fee of $95. The first two were proud of their prowess.

The third man goes in and returns. "How much did she charge you?" ask the first two.

"20 dollars," replies the Jew. The first two start laughing hysterically.

"Hey guys," replied the third. "I'm not so stupid. I paid on the way out!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

An old woman was taken to a gynecologist for the very first time, and of course the gynecologist was a very young and handsome fellow. The doctor was very thorough in his examination, and of course the old woman was quite embarrassed throughout the whole examination. Finally, the exam was over and the doctor told her to get dressed and come in to his office to talk about his findings.

The old woman listened intently as the doctor gave her the results. She then said she really only had one question for him.

The doctor said, "What is the question you have?"

Tell me young man, does your mother know how you make a living?"

= = = = = = = = = = =

Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her.

"Don't worry, Maria. Stephen's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."

So up she went.When she got upstairs, Stephen took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Stephen's got a big hairy chest."

"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests.Go upstairs.He'll take good care of you."

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Stephen took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Stephen took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"

"Don't worry.All good men have hairy legs. Stephen's a good man.Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up there, Stephen took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran down stairs. "Mama, Mama, Stephen's got a foot and a half!"

"Stay here and stir the pasta," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama."

= = = = = = = = = = =

MrsPerfesser went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear-splitting yell."

"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is," complained MrsPerfesser, "it wakes me up."

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Updated 9.6.2017 22:56
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