Blonde making travel arrangements

The executive entrusted travel arrangements to his private blonde secretary for his trip to Paris. She selected a fine hotel and told the manager to be sure the room was prepared with special accommodations: food, bar, flowers, etc. etc. etc.

Upon arrival, the exec was ushered to his room. In a suite adjoining, with the doors open, sat 3 lovely young ladies.

The exec asked who the ladies were.

The manager bowed slightly and said, "They are the three et ceteras requested by your secretary, Monsieur."

= = = = = = = = = = =

Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn't seen in almost four years.

As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, and he's got a Purple Heart on!"

The mother replied, "I don't give a damn what color it is! Let him in, and you go play at the Jones's for a couple hours."

= = = = = = = = = = =

Some ground rules to help people determine if the sex counted. This list of rules can also be very helpful to determine if you have cheated on your spouse or significant other.

  1. Oral Sex does not count.
  2. If you can't remember the person's name the following day, doesn't count
  3. If you failed to call the person back to have more sex, doesn't count
  4. If neither of you achieved orgasm, doesn't count
  5. Sex with a friend, doesn't count, it's just another thing you share
  6. If the act was so lame, you leave thinking "did I shave my legs for this", doesn't count
  7. An old flame, doesn't count
  8. An ex-spouse, doesn't count, refer to this as a "pity fuck"
  9. Masturbating in front of someone while they do the same, sorry, not sex
  10. Cyber-sex - NO FUCKIN WAY - this is glorified masturbation
  11. 2 heterosexual women having fun, not sex
  12. kissing is not cheating
  13. an act to make a married person feel good about themselves, not sex, BUT only if you do not know their significant other
  14. an act committed while you were intoxicated, doesn't count
  15. an act committed with a family member of your significant other, doesn't count, this should be referred to as "a skeleton in the family closet"
  16. acts committed in a public place, doesn't count (why should it, it was fun right?)
  17. phone sex, doesn't count, refer back to "glorified masturbation"
  18. in car, doesn't count, way to cramped, if vehicle is in motion and has a console or stick shift, this counts, way to kinky and erotic not to count, unless the act was totally oral, then refer back to rule #1
  19. an act committed in which the female of the encounter did not achieve total satisfaction (orgasm), doesn't count
  20. an act committed in which total bodily fluids have not been exchanged (pull 'n pray method of birth control) doesn't count
  21. an act in which no kissing takes place, doesn't count (not considered to be intimate)
  22. an act in which "you do all the work", doesn't count
  23. an act committed with your next door neighbor, doesn't count, this should be referred to as "being neighborly"
  24. an act committed with an acquaintance because you are angry with your significant other doesn't count
  25. an act which only happens on a random basis, doesn't count, this should be considered a "fuck friend"
SEX does count if a pregnancy results!

= = = = = = = = = = =

An old guy walks into a drug store looking for condoms. He finds a box that costs $5.00 and takes it up to the counter. The clerk rings it up and says, "That'll be $5.40."

So the man asks what the extra 40 cents is for.

The clerk replies, "It's for tax."

Hearing this the man replies, "Tacks! Hell, I thought you just rolled them on!"

= = = = = = = = = = =



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Updated 9.6.2017 22:59
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