TO MY DEAR WIFE:|
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean;
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:
6 times you just laid there;
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat;
Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in
the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman.
She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note with the bottle back over to the Texan. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1M in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."
WELL, the Texan, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know -- I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my
garage, I have over $2M in the bank, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches! Sorry, honey."
They went in the kitchen. The little boy got two plates out of the cabinet and some flour. The little boy put a cup of flour on each plate. The little boy said, "Now, what we do is squat over our plate and fart. Whoever blows up the biggest puff of flour wins."
The little girl said, "You go first".
So the little boy squatted over his plate and gave out a big grunt. Up came a little puff of flour. The little girl squatted down over her plate, gave out a grunt and blew all the flour off the plate.
The little boy said, "Wow, I've never seen anything like that, let me look at your butt!"
The little girl bent over so he could see. The little boy looked at her butt and said, "No wonder! You got double barrels!"
"Why's 'at?" asked Rotunda. "He some kinda superguy like that man on Star Trek?"
"No," said MrsPerfesser, "he's a big fat zero with a little dick hangin' down."
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