I want to get screwed!

The traveler knocked on the door of the house where a cabdriver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted.

"I want to get screwed," said the man.

"OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip twenty bucks as an initiation fee through the mail slot," answered the voice.

The man did this, the panel closed, several minutes passed. Nothing happened.

He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open. "Hey," exclaimed the sport, "I want to get screwed!"

"What?" said the voice, "Again?"

= = = = = = = = = = =

A man was in a terrible accident and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.

The doctor said that the cost would be $3500 for "small", $6500 for "medium", and $14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or a large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before deciding. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room and found the man looking quite dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" he asked.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're

obviously much better then l, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'."

The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100.

"What happened?" asked one of the members.

"Well, "said the pro. "l was teeing up for the first hole, and as l brought the club down, the jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls while yelling "Gotcha!"

Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf waiting for the second 'gotcha'?"

= = = = = = = = = = =

Two boys were skinny dippin and the one couldn't help noticing the size of the other's willie, so he asked, "How did ya get it that big?"

The other boy responded, "Well, I rub it down every night with lard."

Two weeks later they were back at the swimming hole. Once again there was a comparison made that yielded the same results. The first boy said, "I did what ya told me. I rubbed it down with Crisco every night."

The other boy exclaimed "Well, no wonder you still got a puny pecker that's shortening."

= = = = = = = = = = =

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