The New Salesman

A keen country lad dressed up in his only Sunday-go-to-meetin' suit, took the bus into the Big City and applied for a salesman's job at the big city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the entire world -- you could literally buy *anything* there. "So tell me," the boss asked him, "have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Sure have," said the lad, "I was the best salesman in the county back home!"

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "Well, OK: you can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up the store."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 PM came around, and the boss came by and asked him: "Well, how many sales did you make today, young man?"

"Oh, just one," said the young salesman.

"Only ONE?" blurted his boss. "Most of my staff can make 20 or 30 sales a day! OK, OK, so how much was the sale worth?"

"Well, lessee, all told that would be three hundred twenty-four thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars and sixty-seven cents," said the young fellow, smiling broadly.

"How in hell you manage THAT?!" asked his flabbergasted boss as soon as he could pick himself up off the floor.

"Waaaall", said the salesman, "this ritzy-lookin' feller came in and I sold him a small fishhook, y'see, and then he needed a medium-sized hook too, and finally we decided he needed a really large hook on top of those. Then, I sold him a small fishin' line, and a medium one and a pure-dee huge-mongous big'un! I asked him where he was goin' fishin' and he said "down the coast." I said he'd probably be needin' a boat too, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that-thar twenty-foot schooner y'all ain't been able to sell for nigh-on two years... y'know the big'un with the twin engines? Waall, then the poor feller says his Volkswagon probably wouldn't be able to pull the whole kit-n-kaboodle, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser with a tow-hook on the rear. He was plum-happy!"

"Wait..." said the boss as he took two steps back and stared at the lad in astonishment, "you sold all that to a guy who came in for a FISHHOOK?!?"

"Waaalll, naw, not 'zactly," answered the salesman, "y'see, he came in to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said to him, "Hey pal, you and I both know your weekend's screwed, so you may as well go fishin', right?"

= = = = = = = = = = =

An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.

He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"

"I'm sorry," The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater."

The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into his pants. He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in. Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and begins to squirm. The man unzips his pants so the chicken can stick its head out and watch the movie. Seated next to him is a woman. She looks over at his lap and is horrified.

She elbows her friend and whispers, "Blanche, this man over here has just unzipped his pants!"

Blanche whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've seen one, you've seen them all."

Louise says, "I know, but this one's...... EATING MY POPCORN!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

During the wedding reception in the family mansion, the bride's Grandfather slipped her five $100 bills which she concealed in her glove, since he told her to keep it for "mad money".

By tradition, the couple spent their first night together in the family's historic house. The bride's Grandmother saw her sneaking down the stairs later that night, and asked where she was going.

"I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's important that I have them."

"Oh you youngsters !" the Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself right back upstairs and grab hold of that damm thing with your bare hands just as I did your Grandfather's."

= = = = = = = = = = =

"I must insist on knowing one thing," said the groom to his bride as they lay in the darkness of their honeymoon suite. "Am I the first man to sleep with you?"

"You will be, sweetheart," replied his bride, "if you doze off."

= = = = = = = = = = =



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Updated 9.6.2017 23:03
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