Speech impediment

A man had a particularly bad speech impediment, but was otherwise quite healthy. His fiancee, however, felt that it interfered with their social life. She insisted that the man have a physical examination to determine whether or not the problem was correctable.

At the conclusion of the physical the doctor told the man that the stuttering was caused by the man's penis. The member was so large that it was weighing down his vocal chords, causing them to bend. The situation was correctable, the doctor said, by a special operation whereby the surgeon removes the middle 6 inches of the organ. In this case the man would still have 12 inches, which should still be enough to make any woman happy.

After discussing the situation with his fiancee, the couple decided that the operation was a go. Sure enough, the stuttering was cured. Everything was great for a few weeks, however over time the fiancee began to feel that the man's performance in the sack was not what it used to be. She missed that 6 inches. So she asked her fiancee to go back and see if the operation could be undone. If he would do that, she reasoned, she would never ask anything of him again.

The man reluctantly agreed to talk to the doctor. The man made an appointment and was in the process of explaining the situation when the doctor interrupted him by saying, "N-n-n-n-no way, a d-d-d-deal i-is a d-d-d-deal."

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The Masturbata
(sung to the tune of "Macarena")

Sitting in my house, and I know that I'm alona,
Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona.
Go and grab a Penthouse its the one with Sharon Stona.
Hey Masturbata!!

I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nicea,
Once ain't enough so I have to do it twicea.
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea.
Hey Masturbata!!

I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana.
Never shake my hand cause you don't know where its beena
Hey Masturbata!!

I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta,
One hand on the wheel and the other's on my meata.
I can't get out the car cause I'm sticking to the seata.
Hey Masturbata!

Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbata,
choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomata.
I've looked at Ms. November now I'n gonna decorate her.
Hey Masturbater!

Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacona,
Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm makinga.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achinga.
Hey Masturbata!
= = = = = = = = = = =

The boy stormed into the room and slammed the door. "What the hell's the matter with you ?" his roommate asked.

"Well, I know about safe sex and all," he fumed, "but I don't think our landlord has any business telling us what to do at all."

"Whattya mean Jerry ? As far as I know, our landlord has never said one word about any of the tenants' sex lives."

"Well... I just heard down at the pool that these apartments are going condom."

= = = = = = = = = = =

Alan King once asked George Burns what sex was like for an old guy like him...

Burns replied, "It's like shooting pool with a rope!"

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Updated 9.6.2017 23:04
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