A Man and a woman

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you.....to leave.

Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

= = = = = = = = = = =

Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying.

"Boo Hoo, I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you've been having an affair with that chippie secretary in your office. Why would you do that to me? Haven't I always been a good wife? I've cooked for you, raised your children, and I've always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"

Embarrassed, Morris confesses, "It's true, Sadie, you've been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You don't moan when we have sex!"

"If I moaned when we had sex, you'd stop running around?! All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan during sex!"

So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb beneath the sheets.

As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, "Now, Morris, should I moan now?"

"No not yet."

Morris begins fondling Sadie. "What about now? Should I moan now?"

"No, I'll tell you when..."

He climbs on top of Sadie and begins to have intercourse.

"Is it time for me to moan, Morris?"

"Wait, I'll tell you when....."

Moments later, in the heat of passion, seconds before reaching climax, Morris yells "Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!"

"OY! You vouldn't believe what a day I had!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

At the ski lodge

Three guys go to a ski lodge. There aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed.

In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream last night of getting a hand job!"

The guy on the left wakes up and unbelievably, he's had the same dream too.

Then the guy in the middle wakes up and exclaims, "That's funny, I dreamed that I was skiing!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

Q: Why did God made man first?
A: He didn't want Eve standing around telling him how to make a man.

= = = = = = = = = = =



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Updated 9.6.2017 23:05
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