Wedding Night

There was a couple getting married and the groom confided to his best man that he was a virgin and was very nervous about his wedding night. The best man said, "Get 2 rooms at the hotel. I'll be in the next room. They have very thin walls, so if you need help, just shout through the wall, and I'll yell instructions back."

The new couple were finally in their room after the wedding. The groom was in the bathroom getting ready, but was still very nervous. The bride knew he was nervous and so did not want to bother him in the bathroom, but unfortunately, she had to take a crap. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she carefully took her veil out of its box and laid it on the dresser. She then proceeded to squat over the box and do her thing into the veil box.

Just then, she heard the lock rattle on the bathroom -- her new husband was coming out! She quickly shoved the veil box under the bed and stood up. However, she didn't realize that she pushed the box too hard and it stuck out from under the bed on the other side. The groom had finally worked up his courage and he walked over to get into bed. Well, he stepped right in the crap in the veil box.

He looked down, not believing his eyes and exclaimed, "Oh my god, there's shit in this box!"

Through the wall, he then heard, "ROLL HER OVER!"

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Dear Abbie Abmachine

I am a sailor in the US Coast Guard. My parents live in the suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bentonville, Arkansas, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of incest with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and indeed is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. However her time there is limited, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager.

I am hoping my two isters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, at least it would get them off the street, and hopefully the heroin...

Abbie Abmachine my problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her...

Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Al Gore?

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None for you!

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a honey bee," his father said, "one of our friends, and for stomping him you will do without honey for a week."

A little while later, the boy saw a butterfly. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for stomping him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter). Suddenly, a cockroach ran from under the stove and his mother stomped it.

The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or should I?"

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Q: What's a wife?
A: An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.

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Updated 9.6.2017 23:06
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