The New Pastor

Two old ladies lived way out in the country, only going into town on Sundays for church. One Sunday, there was a strange pastor, a very handsome man, in the pulpit, preaching away quite merrily. One of the ladies, quite deaf, had to turn her hearing aid up fully.

As the old ladies were returning home, the pros and cons of the new pastor was their main subject of conversation.

"I thought he was lovely." said one.

"He was, rather, wasn't he?" said the other.

"He was very loud, wasn't he?"

"Eh?" said the other, "what cloud?"

"I said, he was very loud."

"Eh?"

"I said, he was very loud." shouted the other. "Bawls like a bull."

"Has he?" said the first. "I never noticed, the pulpit was in the way."

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Shot While Pregnant...

This woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of a bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.

She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother.

"I was taking a pee and this bullet came out" replied the daughter.

The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a pee and this bullet came out."

Again the mother tells her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.

"It's okay" says the Mom, "I know what happened." "You were taking a pee and a bullet came out."

"No," says the boy, "I was playing with myself, and I shot the dog."

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The old perfesser walked briskly into the drug store, strode over to the pharmacist and said, "I would like a box of Sex-Lax."

The pharmacist smiled and replied, "You must mean Ex-Lax."

"No," the old perfesser responded, "I don't have any trouble goin'..."

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