Athletic cup

A couple of moms were chatting about their sons.

One mom was complaining about having to go to the athletic store to buy an athletic cup for her young son, who was seven years-old and just starting soccer league.

She said, "The man asked me what size athletic cup I needed. I shrugged and held my thumb and index finger about an inch apart and said, 'he's about this big.' Then the man behind the counter said, 'No, ma'am. What I mean is, what's his WAIST SIZE?'"

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Typical Texas Baby

A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced "a typical Texas" baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. A women faints due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."

The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

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At Home in the Nudist Colony

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.

He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...it makes your nose look short!"

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Ticket Please

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I asked to see your ticket, not your stub.

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