Outhouse

Maw is outside the house hanging up the laundry, when she hears Paw in the kitchen. Maw walks in and says, "Paw, get out there and fix that there outhouse."

Paw says, "All right, Maw."

Paw walks out to the outhouse, looks at it, and says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

Maw says, "Yes there is. Put your head down in the hole."

Paw puts his head down in the hole and he says, "Maw, there ain't nothin' wrong with this here outhouse!"

Paw goes to lift up his head and he says, "Oww! OWW! Maw! MAW, my beard's stuck in the cracks in the seat!"

Maw says, "Aggravatin', ain't it?"

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Operation on Privates

A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large. She asks the doctor to keep the operation quiet because it's an embarrassing procedure and she doesn't want anyone to find out about it. The doctor agrees.

The next day, the woman awakens from her successful operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor and says, "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!"

"Don't worry," he explains, "I didn't tell anybody. The first rose is from me because I felt bad that you had to go through all this by yourself. And, the second rose is from the nurse who assisted me with the operation. She too had the same operation some time ago."

"Who is the third rose from?" asked the curious woman.

"That rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn unit," explained the doctor, "because he wanted to thank you for his new ears!"

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There were these two priests who rode bikes to church every Sunday. Well one day one of the priests showed up to work without his bike. The other priest asked where his bike was.

The other priest said, "I don't know but I think it got stolen!"

The other priest said, "Well what you do is read off the ten commandments, and when you get to "Thou Shall Not Steal" someone will confess to the crime."

The next time the two saw each other the priest had his bicycle back. "I see you got your bike back! Did you do what I said?," the one priest said.

The other said, "Well kind of, when I was reading the commandments and I got to Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery, I seemed to remember where I had left it."

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