Patents Office

Guy goes to the Patents Office with some designs. He tells the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention, a folding bottle".

Clerk: Oh yes, what do you call it?

Inventor: A fottle.

Clerk: That's a silly name, can you think of something else?

Inventor: I'll think about it. I've got something else here, a folding carton.

Clerk: And what do you call that?

Inventor: A farton.

Clerk: That's rude, you can't possibly use that name.

Inventor: Gee, you're going to hate the name of my folding bucket.

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Osteoporosis

Researchers released a list of foods and activities to help combat osteoporosis, the dread disorder that leaches calcium from the bones as people age.

The distinguished lead scientist mounts the podium to make his announcement and gives the highlights of the list. To no one's surprise, broccoli and cauliflower are there, and the researchers also encourage regular exercise, such as walking, running, cycling or swimming to prevent calcium loss from the bones.

But, one reporter, reading ahead, shouts from the front row, "You've got kissing on the list as a way to prevent osteoporosis! There isn't any calcium in a kiss!"

The scientist replied calmly, "In a good kiss, there's enough calcium to make a bone about 6 inches long."

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Golfing In Ireland

A golfer was on vacation in Ireland and while playing he made a hole-in-one. With that a leprechaun jumps out from the trees and says, "I am the lucky leprechaun of the 13th hole. I'll grant you any wish."

The player thought a bit and said, "Could you make me weeny a bit larger?"

"Wish granted." says the leprechaun, as he skips away.

Well, by the time he got to the 14th tee it was showin' below his shorts. He continued his game and on the 15th hole it was draggin' along behind him. By the 18th he could hardly make it to the green.

He went straight to the pro shop and asked the pro how to fix it. He was told that legend has it that you must go back and make another ace and see the leprechaun again.

After purchasing five buckets of balls he made his way back to the 13th and frantically began hitting shot after shot until finally he made the hole-in-one.

Again the leprechaun offered any wish.

The player asked, "Could ya make me legs a bit longer?"

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