Two Lil' Ol' Ladies

Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Cohen lived next door to each other for over 40 years, and over the years became close friends.One day Mrs. Murphy came to Mrs. Cohen and said, "These houses are becoming too much for us, let's sell them and move into rest homes where people will take care of us."

It was agreed.

The two little old ladies being old-fashioned, each went to a home of her own respective religion. It was not long before Mrs. Murphy felt very lonesome for Mrs. Cohen, so one day she asked to be driven to the Jewish Home to visit her old friend. When she arrived she was greeted with open arms, hugs, and kisses. Mrs. Murphy said "Don't be holdin' back, Mrs. Cohen, how do you like it here?"

Mrs. Cohen went on and on about the wonderful food, the facility, and the care takers. Then, with a twinkle in her eye, she said, "But the best thing is that I now have a boyfriend."

Mrs. Murphy said, "Now isn't that wonderful! Tell me all about it."

Mrs. Cohen said, "After lunch we go up to my room and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on the top, and then on the bottom, and then we sing Jewish songs."

Mrs. Murphy said, "For sure it's a blessing. I'm so glad for you Mrs. Cohen."

Mrs. Cohen said, "And how is it with you, Mrs. Murphy?"

Mrs. Murphy said it was also wonderful at her new facility, and that she also had a boyfriend.

Mrs. Cohen said, "Good for you! So what do you do?"

"We also go up to my room after lunch and sit on the edge of the bed. I let him touch me on top, and then I let him touch me down below."

Mrs. Cohen said, "Yes? And then...?"

Mrs. Murphy said, "Well, since we don't know any Jewish songs, we fuck."

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Playing Doctor

A little boy and a little girl were sitting on the porch talking, when the little girl suddenly winked and asked: "Do you want to get undressed and we can play doctor?"

The little boy replied-"You're so old fashioned"... "spit out your gum, I want to play President."

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A naked woman is bouncing on her bed singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her.

He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think you're doing?"

She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen year old."

She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 45-year-old ass?"

"Your name never came up," she replied.

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