LIVING TOGETHER

An older couple, living apart, had been dating for a number of years. One day Elmer says to Betsy, "We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together."

Betsy: "Whose house would we live in?"

Elmer: "Mine, it is paid for."

Betsy: "Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on?"

Elmer: "Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine."

Betsy: "Who would do the cooking?"

Elmer: "You cook and I'll do the dishes."

Betsy: What about sex?"

Elmer: "Infrequently."

Betsy: "Is that one word or two?"

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What Professions Attract Women?

THE DOCTOR because he says, "Take off your clothes."
THE DENTIST because he says, "Open wide."
THE HAIRDRESSER because he asks, "Do you want it teased or blown?"
THE MILKMAN because he asks, "Do you want it in front or in back?"
THE INTERIOR DECORATOR because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
THE BANKER because he says, "If you take it out to soon, you'll lose interest."
THE POLICE OFFICER because he says, "Spread 'em."
THE MAILMAN because he always delivers his package.
THE PILOT because he takes off fast and then slows down.
THE HUNTER because he goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.
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Three old women were talking about their love lives.

The first said, "My husband is like a Rolls-Royce; smooth and sophisticated."

The second said, "Mine is like a Porsche; fast and powerful."

The third said, "Mine is like an old Chevy. It needs a hand start and I have to jump on while it's still going."

= = = = = = = = = = =

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked the other.

The first guy replies, "Well, I got my dick stuck in the neck of the bottle."

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