Tomcat

A family owned a tomcat, of whom it was normally quite fond. Quite often, however, the cat would get out at night and go around the neighbourhood howling and screeching and meowing so loudly that people would complain. So the family took the tom to a vet and had him fixed.

A few nights later, though, the cat was out again, and this time he was making even more noise than usual. Not only that, but a lot of other cats were howling and yelling, too. The father of the house went out to see what was going on. He caught the cat's attention and asked, "What are you doing? You're supposed to be over all this."

"Oh," replied the cat, "He who can, DOES; he who cannot, TEACHES."

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Shopping in a supermarket

This lady is shopping in a supermarket when she notices this handsome muscular boy doing the bagging at one of the checkouts. Making sure she goes through his line she leans over and asks if he'll carry her groceries out to which he responds, "Sure lady."

They no sooner get out of the store and she again leans over and whispers, "You know, I have an Itchy Pussy."

He responds, "You'll have to point it out to me lady, all those Japanese cars look alike!"

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Anna had been married about a year when one day she came running up to her husband jumping for joy. Not knowing how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her.

"Why are we so happy?" he asked.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

"Great" he said, "tell me what you're so happy about."

She stopped breathless from all the jumping up and down. "I'm pregnant!" she gasped.

The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for a while. He grabbed her, kissed her, and started telling her how wonderful it was, and that he couldn't be happier.

Then she said, "Oh, honey there's more."

"What do you mean more?", he asked.

"Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.

"It was easy," she said, "I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 pack home pregnancy test kit and both tests came out positive!"

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Updated 10.6.2017 00:59
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