Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, Fred, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window my husband is home early!"|
Ralph looked out the window and said "I can't jump out the window! It's raining like hell out there!"
Mary cried "If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!"
So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside he found himself in the middle of a marathon race ... so he started running along side the others -- only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?"
Ralph answered, while gasping for air "Oh yes, It feels so free having the air blow over your skin while you are running."
The other runner then asked the nude man "Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?"
Ralph answered breathlessly "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
The runner then asked "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining."
The Job Interview
The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you."
"Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour."
"Show me," said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - ribbed, flavoured, coloured and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country."
"Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!"
"Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer.
The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?"
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