Just a little gas

A nun was walking in the convent when one of the priests noticed she was gaining a little weight. "Gaining a little weight are we sister Susan?" he asked.

"No, Father. Just a little gas," Sister Susan explained.

A month or so later the priest noticed that she had gained even more weight. "Gaining some weight are we Sister Susan?" he asked again.

"Oh no, Father. Just a little gas," she replied again.

A couple of months later the priest noticed Sister Susan pushing a baby carriage around the convent. He leaned over and looked in the carriage and said, "Cute little fart."

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Two widows

Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking:

Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Yetta: "Vell.... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. An like such a mench he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from.

Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car.....a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all.

Then he takes me out for a dinner.....Marvelous dinner. Lobster even.

Den ve go see a show....let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just die from pleasure!

So then we are coming back to my apartment, and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Sadie: "Oy! Vey...so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Yetta: "No... I'm just saying that if you go, wear an old dress.

= = = = = = = = = = =

A priest and a minister walked into a bar. After sitting down, ordering, and some chit chat the priest said, "Have you noticed there are no women in this bar?"

He then realized the truth, "I think we're in a gay bar!

A man approached and tried to flirt with the priest. The priest was dumbfounded, and didn't know what to do. The minister leaned over and whispered something in the man's ear.

The man nodded and walked off.

The relieved priest said, "Thanks. What did you tell him?"

The minister replied, "I just told him we're on our honeymoon."

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