I am celibate

A local prostitute was brought before the court of Queen's Bench for solicitation. The judge was surprised to discover that the young woman was claiming not guilty when police had caught her in the act. The judge questioned her, expressing her surprise.

"I am celibate." the young woman declared.

"Celibate?" the judge asked, wide-eyed. "How can you claim you are celibate?"

"It is my business to be celibate. I sell a bit here, I sell a bit there....."

= = = = = = = = = = =

mouse

A man goes in bar. A mouse jumps out of his pocket. The bartender says, "Nice mouse!"

The man says, "This is NO ordinary mouse though, this little feller talks!"

The Bartender says, "Oh yeah, what about?"

The man says, "See that woman at the end of the bar, the mouse will tell me what color panties she has on."

The bartender says, "Really? This I gotta see."

The man points to woman and says to the mouse; "Mouse: woman!"

The mouse runs down to the end of the bar and sees the woman's panties from the floor and comes back and says, "Pink."

"Wow!", the bartender says. "Will he do that for me?"

The man says, "Sure."

The bartender sees a woman sitting at a table, points to her and says, "Mouse: woman!"

The mouse runs out, then comes tearing back, bounces off the bar into the bartenders pocket shaking like a leaf.

The bartender says, "What's wrong with you?"

The mouse says, "I taught I taw a puddy tat!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

Todd was in a bar looking very dejected. His friend, Jill, walked over and asked, "What's wrong?"

"It's my mother-in-law," Todd replied, while shaking his head sadly. "I have a real problem with her."

"Cheer up," Jill said. "Everyone has problems with their mother-in-law."

Yeah," Todd answered. "But I got mine pregnant."

= = = = = = = = = = =

A blonde teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother, "Is it true what Rita just told me... babies come out of the same place where boys put their thingies?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up, and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," responded the blonde teenager "won't it knock my teeth out?"

= = = = = = = = = = =



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Updated 10.6.2017 01:03
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