Speech Therapy

This gal was working on her doctorate in speech therapy and, having finished her dissertation, had only to complete her service project of helping three stutterers. All her efforts so far had been in vain, and one day she thought of some special incentive for her stutterers to speak clearly.

"Tell you what, guys," she said. "I'll ask you a simple question and if you can answer without stuttering, I'll give you a blow job."

"A b-b-b-b-blow job! That'll be GREAT" says the first guy. "Ask m-m-m-me a q-q-q-q-question."

"OK," says the therapist, "where were you born?" "B-B-B-B-Boston ..." says the guy.

The next guy says, "A-a-a-a-a-ask ME a q-q-q-q-q-question."

"OK," says the therapist, "where were YOU born?" "B-B-Birmingham ..." answers the second guy.

"Me!" says the third guy. "OK," says the therapist, "where were you born?"

"Miami ..."

The therapist immediately digs into his pants and gives the best blow job he's ever had. "How what that?"

" ... B-B-B-Beach!"

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A Black Eye

Little Johnny comes home from Catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We stood up, and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt, so I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"

"Johnny!" the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women."

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad!" Johnny said. "It wasn't my fault! There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Lee who was sitting next to me saw it, and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"

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"Now watch closely, my love, as we say the magic word together... Viagracadabra!"

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Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

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Updated 10.6.2017 01:05
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