The Pope on a plane

A shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person."

Imagine his surprise when the Pope sat down in the seat next to him for the flight. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pontiff. Shortly after take-off, the Pope began a crossword puzzle. "This is fantastic," thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps, if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the gentleman and said, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends with the letters 'u-n-t?'"

Only one word leapt to mind. "My goodness," thought the gentleman, "I can't tell the Pope that. There must be another word."

The gentleman thought for quite a while, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, "I think the word you're looking for is 'aunt'".

"Of course," said the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

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Buying Bread

A general store owner hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

"I`d like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely.

The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view. As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction.

Pretty soon each person is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.

After a few trips the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the throng. "Is yours raisin too?" the clerk yells testily.

"No," croaks the feeble old man...."but it`s startin` to twitch a little."

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Celebrate older people on the birthday of comedian George Burns, who was actively entertaining audiences until he died at age 100 on March 9, 1996. He was born Nathan Birnbaum on January 20, 1896, at New York, New York. Aka Entertainer of the Century Day.

A news reporter was interviewing a couple who were celebrating their 75th Wedding Anniversary. After questioning them about their diet, life style and how many family members they had, and had outlived, the reporter finally approached the subject of their sex life.

"Sex?" the old man asked, "We have sex nearly every night.

The reporter gasped, "You folks have sex nearly every night?"

"Sure we do. Monday we almost did it... Tuesday we almost did it... Wednesday we almost did it..."

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A couple of little girls, Sandy and Rose, were playing on the playground at kindergarten recently. Sandy suggested to Rose that they play house. She said, "I'll be the wife and you can be the ex-wife."

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