Smaller bites

An Italian family is at the dinner table when the father says to his oldest son, "Antonio! Why you-a such a fat-a boy?"

Antonio says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's spaghetti! I can't-a stop-a eating it."

Poppa says, "You should-a take-a smaller bites!"

Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Guido! Why you-a such a fat-a boy?"

Guido says, "Poppa, it's-a Mama's lasagna. I can't-a stop-a eating it, it's-a so good."

Poppa says, "You should-a also take-a smaller bites."

Then Poppa says to his youngest son, "Vinny! How you-a stay so slim-a and-a trim-a."

Vinny says, "It's-a so easy, Poppa. I eat-a lots and lots of-a pussy."

Poppa says, "Pussy? Pussy, that's-a taste like shit!"

Vinny says, "Poppa, You should-a take-a smaller bites!"

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Sleep Inducing

Sex can be good inducer of sleep. It all depends on whether you were completely satisfied with the sex act or not.

For example, take my friend Maury... he's so good at sex, I understand all his women always fall asleep when they have sex with him - usually during sex; some even during foreplay; and I believe even his hand falls asleep during masturbation.

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A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes.

Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.

When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam... I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the beer for?"

At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Dammit, nurse!!! I said a BUTT-LIGHT!!!"

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The class was studying the Middle Ages, and all the kids were having fun learning about chivalry and knights and such. It came time for all the Knights to become 'Knighted' when Terry asked the teacher, "Do all the ladies get 'Laid' tomorrow?"

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