The Question

A shy, drunken, innocent young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a pub and said: "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

"Yes I do," replied the beautiful young woman, "But go ahead, as I'm sure you're going to ask me anyway."

"OK," said the shy, drunken, innocent young man, "How many men have you slept with?"

"That's my business!" snapped the woman.

"Oh, right!" said the young man, "I didn't realize you made a living at it!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

The Rose

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!"

The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

"No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

The old perfesser, moaning with an awful toothache, visited his dentist. As the dentist leaned over to look in his mouth, the old perfesser grabbed his testicles. The dentist, in a squeaky, high-sounding voice says, "Sir, I believe you've got a hold of my privates."

The old perfesser replies, "Yes, I do. And we're going to be careful not to hurt each other, now, aren't we?"

= = = = = = = = = = =

Bill and Randall are talking about their respective weekends, when the subject of picking up ladies pops up.

"I must say I'm doing fine in that department," says Bill.

"This weekend I hooked up with that Jenny Harris girl."

"Jenny Harris!" Randall exclaims, "What happened?"

"Let's just say I got lucky."

"I've heard about Jenny," Randall says, "and I wouldn't call it 'lucky'."

"Well, I would," says Bill.

"In that case," Randall replies, "you're the luckiest guy with herpes I know!"

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:18
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