Fly

A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your barracks door is open".

This is not a phrase women normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open".

He zipped up and finished his shopping. He then intentionally got in the checkout line where the lady was that told him about his "barracks door".

He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her at the counter he said, "When you saw my barracks door open, did you see a soldier standing there at attention"?

The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, No, I didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags".

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Olympic condoms

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.Upon getting home, he announces to hiswife the purchase he had just made.

"Olympic condoms?" she asks. "Whatmakes them so special?"

"There are 3 colors," he replies, "Gold, Silver, and Bronze."

"What color are you going to wear tonight?" she asks cheekily.

"Gold of course," he proudly says.

The wife responds wryly, "Why don't you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came in second for a change!"

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The Date

Davie walks into a bar and sees his friend Norm slumped over the bar. Davie walks over and asks Norm what's wrong.

"Well," replies Norm, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I told you I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"

"Yes," replies Davie, with a smile.

"Well," says Norm, straightening up. "I finally got up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed."

"That's great!" says Davie, "When are you going out?"

"I went to meet her this evening," continues Norm, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So, I got some duct tape out of my truck and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did get a woody, it wouldn't show."

"Sensible.", says Davie.

"So I get to her door," says Norm, "and rang her doorbell. She answered in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw."

"And what happened then?"

Norm slumps back over the bar again. "I kicked her in the face."

= = = = = = = = = = =

The instructor was lecturing about self-examination of the breast or testicles when a female student asked two male students if they ever got an erection while doing self-examination of their testicles. They answered that it was possible they had... hemming and hawing, you know, you don't really want everyone to know when you get aroused...

She then asked, "So what do you do about it?"

They said in unison, "Nothing, why?"

She says, "You mean you go around with a hard penis all day?"

They said, "No way!"

She then asked them, "You mean a man's penis will go down without having an orgasm?"

Looking at each other quizzically, they both said yes.

At which point she says, "I'm going to kill my husband!"

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:19
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