Idiots Guide To Sex 3

* If she wants to do it French, Russian or Greek, it doesn't mean you have to go to Berlitz and learn the language.

* "Faster, Harder, Deeper" is not the motto of the Olympics.

* A Fallopian tube is not part of a TV set.

* Membership of the Mile-High Club is void if you apply by yourself.

* A clitoris is not something you order from a florist.

* Contrary to popular belief, Grape Nuts is not a venereal disease

* If it doesn't make you smile: you AIN'T DOIN' IT RIGHT!

* When she comes down wearing her most expensive body stocking and asks you to come to bed, don't say you first want to check your e-mail.

= = = = = = = = = = =

Hemophiliac Hooker

A streetwalker was visiting her doctor for a regular check-up. "Any specific problems you should tell me about?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I have noticed lately that if I get even the tiniest cut, it seems to bleed for hours," she replied. "Do you think I might be a hemophiliac?"

"Well," the doctor answered, "Hemophilia is a genetic disorder and it is more often found in men, but it is possible for a woman to be a hemophiliac. Tell me, how much do you lose when you have your period?" the doctor inquired.

After calculating for a moment the hooker replied, "Oh, about seven or eight hundred dollars, I guess!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

= = = = =

You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.

= = = = =

Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

= = = = = = = = = = =

Come Up To My Place?

A man goes into a little neighborhood pub, and when he sits down, he notices a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. He waves to her, and much to his surprise, she winks back at him. It doesn't take long before he is on the stool next to her. They talk for about fifteen minutes and then the man says to the woman, "You're really hot!"

"You're pretty cute, too," she says to him. "I'll tell you what... I live just around the corner - what do you think about coming up to my place?"

"That sounds great!" the man eagerly replies.

"Before we go up there, though," the woman says, "I have to ask you one question: Do you like doing it Greek style?"

"Well...uh...I'm not exactly sure what that is," the man answers, "but it sure sounds interesting and I'm willing to learn! Let's go!"

So the two of them walk over to her apartment. As soon as they get inside the door, the woman rips off all her clothes. The man can't believe his eyes! She has an incredibly beautiful body. "Now, you're *sure*," the woman asks, "that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Definitely!" the man replies.

"All right, then," says the woman. "Take off all your clothes, and get up on the bed on yours hands and knees."

"Sounds like fun!" the man exclaims. He leaps out of his clothes and climbs onto the bed on his hands and knees. The woman goes around and gets onto the bed right in front of the man.

She kneels down in front of his head. She asks him again, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Yeah! Yeah, let's go!" says the man.

The woman grabs the man with her arms right under his armpits, getting him in a lock hold. He can't move at all, and his head is pressing right into her chest. One more time she says, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

The man's muffled voice can barely be heard from between her breasts. "Mmmf, yeah!" he mumbles, "Greek style!"

The woman's grip on him tightens like a vice, and she yells out, "GEORGE! Come and get it!"

= = = = = = = = = = =



[Adultjokes.fi] [Suklaamuna] [Funny videos] [Contest] [Links]

Updated 10.6.2017 10:19
Copyright © www.Adultjokes.fi 2017