FOLLOWING BEHIND

A man went to a strange town to be the guest speaker at a business meeting. When he arrived at his Motel, he found he had a lot of time before the meeting so he got the directions for a nearby golf course from the clerk.

While playing on the front nine, he thought over his impending speech and became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained the situation and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole and you're a hole behind me. You must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th and you're a hole behind me. You must be on the 13th."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went into the club house where he saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand you are in the sales profession. What a coincidence .. I'm in sales too. What do you sell?"

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No I wouldn't."

"Well if you must know," she answered, "I sell Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath. She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm still a hole behind you!"

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Flying

As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc. Finally, she said "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."

Marvin sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right; is the captain a woman? I think I better have a whiskey and water."

When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"

"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."

"My God," said Marvin, "I'd better have two whiskeys and water. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit. Now it's the box office."

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Little Maury has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big toilet like Uncle Perfesser. He pushes up the seat and balances his little winky on the rim. Just then the toilet seat slams down, and little Maury lets out a big scream.

Aunty MrsPerfesser comes running to find little Maury hopping around the room clutching his genitals and howling. He looks up at her with his little tear-stained face and sniffles, "Aunty, k-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better...."

Aunty MrsPerfesser shouts, "Don't you start your Uncle Perfesser's shit with me!"

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The country doctor was just returning from a delivery at an outlying cattle ranch, when he crossed paths with the town's gossip. "Doctor Wilson, how is the Smith baby?"

"Well, the child was born without a penis," the doctor said. "Oh, oh my goodness!" said the gossip....and with a smile on her face, she turned to head into town to spread the news. Before she could take off to spread the news, the doctor quickly grabbed her arm, bent his head over and whispered in her ear,

"But she'll have a damn nice place to put one in 20 years!"

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