Communication Between Men and Women

Women's English

Say Mean
Yes No
No Yes
Maybe No
I'm sorry You'll be sorry...
We need I want
It's your decision The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what ever you want You'll pay for this later
We need to talk I need to complain
Sure go ahead I don't want you to
I'm not upset Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly You need a shave, and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient I want a new house
I want new curtains and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute I'll be ages but do NOT put the TV back on
You have to learn to communicate Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? [Too late, you're dead,]

Men's English

Say Mean
I'm hungry I'm hungry
I'm sleepy I'm sleepy
I'm tired I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage I want to fondle you
What's wrong? What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
What's wrong? I guess sex tonight is out of the question?
I'm bored Do you want to have sex?
I love you Let's have sex now!
I love you, too Okay, I said it. Now can we have sex?
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair I liked it better before
Let's talk I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex?
Will you marry me? I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with others.


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OLD MAID VIRGINS

There were two old-maid sisters... both virgins. One Friday night Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin. I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!"

Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock... Finally about 12:45, the front door flies open and in runs Gladys... heading straight for the bathroom.

Betty growing concerned, knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys??"

No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

"What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!"

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:20
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