Bear & Rabbit

Once upon a time there was a frog who lived in a lake all by himself. He had been given special powers by a local witch. One day he finally ventured out of the lake to get his first glimpse of the world outside.

The first thing he saw was a bear chasing a rabbit and so he called out to them and asked them to stop. Then he said to them "I am a magical frog and since you are the first two animals I have ever seen, I am going to grant you both three wishes. You will each take turns using them and you have to use them now."

The bear (being greedy) went first. "I would like for every bear in this forest to be female except for me."

A magical sound and it was done.

Then the rabbit said "I would like a helmet."

This confused both the frog and the bear, but after a magical sound there was a helmet.

It was the bear's turn again "I would like for every bear in the neighboring forest to be female."

A magical sound and it was done.

The rabbit went again. "I would like a motorcycle."

Both the frog and the bear wondered why the rabbit didn't just ask for a lot of money and then he could buy himself a motorcycle, but after a magical sound there was a motorcycle.

The bear took his last wish. "I would like for all the bears in the world to be female except for me."

A magical sound and it was done.

The rabbit then put on his helmet, started up the motorcycle, and said, "I wish the bear was gay" and took off like a bat.

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Father & Son Talk

Little Johnny's father sat down next to him on the couch one day and said, "Okay, Johnny, once there was this big, black rooster, and it was sitting on a fence post. How many wings does the rooster have?"

Johnny replied, "It has two."

Little Johnny's father then asked, "How many eyes does the rooster have?"

Johnny replied, "It has two."

Little Johnny's father then asked, "Well then, how many legs do you think the rooster had?"

Johnny replied, "It has two, daddy."

So then, Little Johnny's daddy said, "Well then, a little white cat walks up to where the big black rooster is standing on the fence post and opens its mouth to hiss at the rooster. How many teeth does the cat have?"

Little Johnny scratched his head and replied, "I don't know daddy, how many teeth does the cat have?"

Little Johnny's daddy grabbed him by the arm and exclaimed, "Alright boy, how come you know so much about big black cocks and so little about white pussys?"

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A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.

Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon."

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what "you've" been doing."

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Todd and Jill are in the bedroom one night and they have just finished making love.

"Honey, did you enjoy the fun we just had?", Todd asks.

"Yes, of course, Dear." Jill replies. "Didn't you hear me laughing?"

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