Scavenger Hunt

A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list. "Lady," he explained, "I'm on a scavenger hunt, and I still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar."

"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging scavenger hunt?"

"My babysitter's boyfriend."

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THE SNAKE

A girl entered the family bathroom unexpected while her father was bathing. She let out a shriek, then ran out of the room ... "Mommy, mommy! Daddy has a big, ugly snake in the tub with him!" the girl screamed.

"It's not a snake, honey," her mother began to explain, "it's part of Daddy's body ... an important part. In fact, if Daddy didn't have it, you wouldn't be here."

As the child ran off to play, her mother thought to herself, "And neither would I........"

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Absolution..... While the Pope was in St. Louis he decided to grant absolution to three sinners. The first person to come up was Richard Nixon. The Pope asked, "What is your sin?"

"I hired people to break into the Watergate Hotel."

The Pope replied, "Kneel down. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."

Next in line was Bill Clinton. "What was your sin, son?"

"I cheated on my wife" the Philanderer in Chief replied. "Kneel down, my son. I'll bless you and grant you absolution."

A third person came up and the Pope asked, "What is your name?"

"Monica Lewinsky."

The Pope stroked his chin. "Hmmmm.....perhaps you should remain standing."

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That guy was so stupid that he couldn't possibly count to 21, even with his trousers down!

A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and decide to get married.

On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,... I am still a virgin."

The startled groom asks, "How can that be? You've been married 3 times before."

The bride responds...

"Well you see it was this way: My first husband was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it."

"My second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it."

"And my third husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was............. God I miss him!"

"But you're a lawyer, so now I *know* I'm gonna get screwed!"

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An old man and his wife go camping for the first time...there they are, sitting by the cracking fire, and the woman says to her husband, "I think I shall go take off my bra since no one is around."

The husband says, "Why sure honey, go right ahead."

So the old woman disappears into the tent, returning a few moments later she poses in front of the fire..."How do I look?"

"Wonderful!" says he...."took all the wrinkles out of your face!"

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:21
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