Doctor In The House

A strained voice called out through the darkened theater, "Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"

Several men stood up as the lights came on.

An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her, "Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a date with a good girl?"

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10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.

5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2) Less guilt the morning after.

AND the No. 1 reason why trick a treating is better than sex.........


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One hot July day, MrsPerfesser found an old straggly cat at the door. She was a sorry sight... starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. She felt sorry for the kitty and put her in a basket and had the old perfesser, under protest, drive them to the vet. She had no name so they called her Pussy Cat.

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let them know when they could come and get her.

The old perfesser [aka Mr Complainer] said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her... she stinks."

[The old perfesser and the vet don't see eye to eye... the vet calls the perfesser 'El Cheap-O', and the old perfesser calls him 'El Take-0'.]

Next day, the old perfesser had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people waiting for their appointments when the door opened and in popped the vet and announced to the old perfesser, "MrsPerfesser's Pussy is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she's pregnant. God knows who the father is!" and then he closed the door.

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A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside. She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"

He says, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos."

She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I'd rather go to Hell."

St. Peter says, "In Hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized."

She says, "That's okay. I've already got holes for that!"

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Late one night a woman was walking home when a man grabbed her and dragged her into the bushes.

"Help me! Help me!" she screamed. "I'm being robbed!"

"You ain't being robbed!" her attacker interrupted. "You're being screwed!"

The woman looked down at her attacker as he unzipped his jeans. "If you're screwing me with that," she fumed, "I am being robbed!"

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Updated 21.3.2021 14:31
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