The old-fashioned men

One day at the family reunion, the old perfesser was reminiscing. He remarked, "I wonder what ever happened to the old-fashioned girls who fainted when a man kissed them...?" MrsPerfesser gave him a withering look, "What I'd like to know," she said, "is what happened to the old-fashioned men who could MAKE them faint!"

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Happy?

A Kansas cyclone hit a farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It lifted the roof off, picked up the beds, on which the farmer and his wife slept, and set them down gently in the next county. The wife began to cry.

"Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt."

"I'm not scared," she responded between sobs, "I'm happy 'cause this is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."

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And the angels sing...

The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to speak to the woman after everyone else left the church.

When they were alone, the preacher said in his sternest lecturing voice. "Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"

"Why, preacher," the young thing replied. "All of my boyfriends tell me that they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my breasts."

"Hmm. Well, let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his head between her breasts. After several minutes, he raised his head and said. "I don't hear any angels singing!"

"Of course not, reverend." she said. "You're not plugged in yet."

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Indian Style

An Indian fellow goes to a brothel one night, and finds himself a prostitute.

"How much do you charge for the hour???"

"$100".

"Okay do you do Indian style?"

"No!!"

"I'll pay you $200 to do it Indian style"

She again says no, not knowing what the Indian style is! Our man then offers her $300, and again she declines his offer. Finally he says, "I'll give you $500 to go Indian style with me".

Anyway she finally agrees thinking well she has been in the prostitution industry for over 10 years now, she has been there and done that, how bad could Indian style be....

So she goes ahead has sex with the Indian fellow, doing it in every kind of possible way and in every position. Finally at the end after he has finished, she turns around and asks him, "What was the Indian style? I mean did I miss something here? What was so Indian style about what we have done?"

He replies to her, "I'll pay you tomorrow!!"

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Last time the old perfesser was in the hospital, he really enjoyed himself: patting the bottoms of the pretty nurses, offering to show them his circumcision scar and the like.

One nurse finally had all she could stand of his crude behavior and said, "A pervert like you should be living in a whore house!"

The old perfesser grinned at her and said, "Well, it WOULD be cheaper than here, but I can't get my insurance to pay for it!"

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:22
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