Acts of God
The preacher's wife was expecting a baby; he went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.|
After six children, this was getting expensive. The congregation held a meeting to consider the preacher's pay situation. As you can imagine, there was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd: "Having children is an act of God" he proclaimed.
In the back of the room, a little old man stood and in a frail voice said "Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers".
Things never to say to a woman when you're fighting
She says, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! My hands are really freezing!"
She says again, "Well put them here between my legs and that will warm them up."
He does, and again that warms him up. After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop wood for the night. When he returns, he again says, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud,... don't your *ears* ever get cold?!?!?"
After the doctor did a very good physical and ordered the medication, he told the old perfesser that there had been several deaths associated with this medication.
At this the old perfesser became very quiet for some time. Then he shrugged his shoulders and said to the doctor, "If she dies, she dies."
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