The Mermaid

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons. Early one morning, the woman awoke and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her, how could she possibly continue to feed her family now? In a depressed state of mind, she hung herself. When the man awoke to find his wife dead, as well as the cow, he too began to see the hopelessness of the situation and he shot himself in the head.

Now the oldest son woke up to discover his parents dead (and the cow!) and he decided to go down to the river and drown himself. When he got to the river, he discovered a mermaid sitting on the bank. She said, "I've seen all and know the reason for your despair. But if you will have sex with me five times in a row, I will restore your parents and the cow to you."

The son agreed to try, but after four times, he was simply unable to satisfy her again. So the mermaid drowned him in the river.

Next the second oldest son woke up. After discovering what had happened, he too decided to throw himself into the river. The mermaid said to him, "If you will have sex with me ten times in a row, I will make everything right."

And while the son tried his best (seven times!), it was not enough to satisfy the mermaid, so she drowned him in the river.

The youngest son woke up and saw his parents dead, the dead cow in the field and his brothers gone. He decided that life was a hopeless prospect and he went down to the river to throw himself in. And there he also met the mermaid. "I have seen all that has happened and I can make everything right if you will only have sex with me fifteen times in a row."

The young son replied, "Is that all? Why not twenty times in a row?"

The mermaid was somewhat taken aback by this request. Then he said, "Hell, why not twenty-five times in a row?"

And even as she was reluctantly agreeing to his request, he said, "Why not THIRTY times in a row?"

Finally, she said, "Enough!! Okay, if you will have sex with me thirty times in a row, then I will bring everybody back to perfect health.

Then the young son asked, "Wait! How do I know that thirty times in a row won't kill you like it did the cow?"

= = = = = = = = = = =

In Cars

The 80-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. "You know, Doc," he said, "I've made love in more exotic cars than anyone I know. Must be at least a thousand."

"And now, I suppose, you want me to treat you for the arthritis you got from scrunching up in all those uncomfortable positions?" the doctor asked.

"Hell, no!" the old fellow replied. "I want to borrow your Lamborghini!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream."

"I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life."

His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?"

"Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing."

= = = = = = = = = = =

The old perfesser woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in three or four years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up, and showed her his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we ought to do with it?"

With one eye open, MrsPerfesser replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it!"

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