The creation of woman

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden. Then He said to himself, "There's something he's needing".

After casting about for a suitable pearl, He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender, Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.

Two lovely hips to increase his desire, And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.

Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud, Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.

Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you, And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.

Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder, And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing. Then He added a mouth, and ruined the whole thing.

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She screamed

The Italian says, "My wife, I rubbed her all over with fine olive oil, then we made wonderful love. She screamed for five minutes."

The Frenchman says, "I spread sweet butter on my wife's body, then we made passionate love. She screamed for 20 minutes."

The Rabbi says, "I covered my wife's body with chicken fat. We made love and she screamed for six hours."

The others say, "Six hours? How did you make her scream for six hours?"

He shrugs. "I wiped my hands on the drapes."

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Did you hear about the Indian chief who traded in his forty year old squaw for two twenty year olds? A couple of weeks later a couple of fellow braves saw him back with his forty year old squaw.

They said, "What happened to your two twenty year olds?"

The Chief replied, "Me no wired for 220!"

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At the end of a tiny deserted bar sits a huge Italian, 6 ft. 5 and 350 pounds. He has already had a few too many drinks, when a short, well dressed (and obviously gay) man walks in and sits beside him. After three or four beers, the gay fellow plucks up the courage to say something to the big Italian. Leaning towards him, he whispers, "Do you want to get a blow job?"

At this, the massive Italian leaps up with fire in his eyes, and smacks the man in the face, knocking him swiftly off the stool. He proceeds to beat him all the way out of the bar before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot.

The Italian returns to his seat and proceeds to order another drink. Amazed, the bartender quickly brings over another drink, then says, "I've never seen you react like that, just what did he say to you?"

"Well, I'm not really sure..." the big Italian replied. "Something about getting a job..."

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Jill goes to see the gynecologist but won't reveal to the receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor right away. After hours of waiting, her name is called and she's taken to the examination room. The Doctor asks, "Ok Jill, what is your problem?"

"Well, she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. I have scrimped and saved every dollar I could to save up $500. I didn't know a safe hiding place, so I stuffed it up my vagina. But now, I can't get it out!

The doctor says, "Don't be nervous, I see things like this all the time. He asks her to remove her clothes and sit on the edge of the examination table with her legs apart. As he's putting on his rubber gloves, he glances up at her and asks...

"I only have one question. What am I looking for? Bills or loose change?"

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