Getting Pregnant

A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.

"Sir", she said, "I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust." She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.

The man shared her enthusiasm as he shared his experience. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had laid eggs. He was so happy. He added, "Confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially...so did I!"

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Board

These two guys had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.

They got up there and went into a trader's store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."

The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.

The guys asked "What's that board for?"

The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this."

They said, "No way! We've sworn off women for life!"

The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year.

"Okay," they said and left.

The next year this guy came into the trader's store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year."

The trader said "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?"

"Yeah" said the guy.

"Where is he?" asked the trader.

"I shot him" said the guy.

"Why?"

"I caught him in bed with my board!"

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Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They got undressed and stepped into the showers before they realized there was no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look," says the first nun..."It's a soap dispenser."

To test her theory the second nun also pulls his tool ... and sure enough he drops the other bar of soap.

The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times, but nothing happens. So she tries once more and, to her delight, she yells.... "Hand lotion!"

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Creative writing

A creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements:

1) religion
2) royalty
3) sex
4) suspense

The prize-winning essay read:

"My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

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