Bedtime Prayer (for men)

As I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a woman who's very cheap.

One who's sexy, blonde and long.
Who notices that she's mostly wrong.

One who sucks and doesn't speak.
And promises to do so at least once a week.

I pray that she is very randy,
'cause one like that would come in pretty handy.

Opens her legs and lies on the floor,
and once I'm done, she wants no more.

Oh, send me a woman who will not play with my mind.
Who knows what she wants and that's a LOT from behind!

One who'll screw till my body's a twitchin'
and brings me a beer when she comes from the kitchen!

I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.

Thanks in advance and you know I can't wait,
so I'll screw all the rest 'cause it's never too late.

Amen.

= = = = = = = = = = =

Bedtime Prayer (for women)

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.

One who's handsome, smart and strong.
He's not afraid to admit it when he's wrong.

One who thinks before he speaks.
When he promises to call,
he doesn't wait 6 weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed
and won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh, send me a man who will make love to my mind.
Knows just what to say when I ask, "How fat is my behind?"

One who'll wake love till my body's a twitchin'.
He brings ME a sandwich too, when he goes to the kitchen!
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And would never compare me with my best girlfriend.

Thank You in advance and now I'll just wait,
for I know You will send him before it's too late.

Amen.

= = = = = = = = = = =

Grief! An old man, Mr. Goldstein, was living the last of his life in nursing home. One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed. Nurse Tracy, asked if there was anything wrong.

"Yes, Nurse Tracy," said Mr. Goldstein, "My penis died today, and I am very sad"

Knowing her patients were forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, "Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Goldstein, please accept my condolences.

The following day, Mr. Goldstein was walking down the hall with his penis hanging out of his pajamas, when he met Nurse Tracy. "Mr. Goldstein," she said, "you shouldn't be walking down the hall Like this. Please put your penis back inside your pajamas."

"But, Nurse Tracy," replied Mr. Goldstein, "I told you yesterday that my penis died."

"Yes, you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?" asked Nurse Tracy.

"Well," he replied. "Today's the viewing."

= = = = = = = = = = =

A couple are lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"

The woman says: "I will surely miss you"

= = = = = = = = = = =

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