Wake Up Call

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is?"

"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up."

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COST OF NUTS

A guy with a speech impediment goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen in his life.

The tongue-tied guy quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and asks, "ess-tues me ser?"

"Yes sir," replied the clerk.

"Tould you tale me how mutsh youre pisstasheos arr?"

"Pistachio's? They're six dollars a pound."

"SSit!" The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing, and then asks, "Welp, how mutsh arr youre aahhmons?"

"Almonds? They're seven fifty a pound."

"SSIT!" Replied the tongue-tied man. "Welp, how bout youre pikanns?"

"Pecans? They're on sale today ... they're only four fifty a pound."

"Welp ... SSit .. just div me a poulnd of dose dhen."

"Alrighty then," says the clerk, and begins bagging up a pound of pecans.

Then the tongue-tied guy says to the clerk, "Sirr, I just wana tay tank you fo not maken phun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it."

The clerk replies with a smile, "Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that ... I don't make fun of anybody, for anything! I don't know if you noticed or not, but I have a rather large nose."

The tongue-tied guy replies, "Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your dick, your nutz arr so damn high!"

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Les, JimJr and Lee took a trip to the beach, and happily happened onto their wildest dreams, a nudist beach. They just stumbled up and down the shore, watching the various young women, eyes all agog. When they walked by the prettiest of them all, Les said, "Ooh, I'd like to give her a hug."

"Mmm, I'd like to give her a kiss," said JimJr.

Lee said, "Wait... what was that other thing we used to do?"
= = = = = = = = = = =

MrsPerfesser goes to see the gynecologist but won't reveal to the receptionist what's wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor right away.

After hours of waiting, her name is called and she's taken to the examination room. The Doctor asks, "Ok MrsPerfesser, what seems to be your problem?"

"Well," she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler, and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. I have scrimped and saved every dollar I could to save up $500. We live in a trailer, and I just didn't know a safe hiding place in there, so I stuffed the whole kitty up my vagina. But now, I can't get it out!"

The doctor says, "Don't be nervous, MrsPerfesser, I see things like this all the time."

He asks her to take off all her clothes and sit on the edge of the examination table with her legs apart. As he's putting on his rubber gloves, he glances up at her and asks...

"I only have one question... Am I looking for bills or loose change?"

= = = = = = = = = = =

FAQs For Men For Surviving PMS

Greetings Gents, I'm assuming that you suffer from PMS, not directly, but suffer none the less. Lets get right to it...
Q: What can I do to end the havoc created every 28 days?
A: Absolutely nothing.

Q: Will it ever end?
A: Sure, but you'll be so old you won't notice.

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