Man and Woman

Man: Haven't we met before?
Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

Man: I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.
Woman: You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place?
Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: So what do you do for a living?
Woman:I'm a female impersonator.

Man: What sign were you born under?
Woman: No Parking.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not Enter"

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized !

Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy"
Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?
Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.
Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book too.

= = = = = = = = = = =

And another version of red riding hood

One day little red riding hood carefully packed her picnic basket, put on her scarlet cape with its cute little red hood, and set out for Grandmother's house which was through the forest all the way across the valley. As she was walking she passed Mrs. Busybody's house who saw her and rushed out to stop her.

"Little Red Riding Hood! Yoo-Hoo!" she called out. "Better watch out if you are going to your grandmother's house. There's talk of a big bad wolf in the woods who is accosting sweet young things like you."

"Don't worry," she replied. "I've heard all about it and I can handle it."

And she skipped merrily along, stopping briefly to add some wildflowers to her basket.

Just down the road Mr. Butinski calls to her. "Little Red Riding Hood. What do you think you're doing, child? There's a wolf in those woods. Its dangerous."

"Don't worry, " she said. "I've got it covered" as she patted her picnic basket.

Well, gentle reader, we all know where this is headed, don't we? Soon after the road entered the forest LRRH heard this derisive snort and out stepped the big, bad wolf right into her path, wearing a Zoot-suit, no less, and twirling a silver watch fob. "Well, well, well - what have we here?" said he. "Its a sweet young thing all by herself. I'll bet you're taking that basket to your granny's, aren't you?"

"Uh-huh," she answered timidly. "Are you..... are you the..the...the big bad wolf?"

"You got that right, missy. I've had my way with many a lass who dares to come through here alone, and you're next. I'm gonna tear your clothes off and ravish you right over there in the grass," he said with a leer.

Quick as a wink, LRRH whipped open the picnic basket and pulled out a chrome plated .44 magnum pointing it right at the wolf. "Oh, no you're not!" she exclaimed. "You're gonna eat me just like it says in the book."

= = = = = = = = = = =



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Updated 10.6.2017 10:31
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