Hooker

Lulu was a hooker, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them.

The police took them outside and had all the hookers line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.

Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"

Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself", and she proceeded to the back of the line.

A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the hookers. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."

The policeman fainted.

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Bedroom football

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail.

Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What the hell was that?"

The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides."

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Blackboard Drawing

A third grade teacher came in to the room one day and found a drawing of a penis on the blackboard. She suspiciously looked at her students but didn't say anything. Instead, she rubbed it off.

The next day, she came in and saw another drawing of an even bigger penis on the board. She frowns and rubs it off.

The third day, she came in and saw another penis drawn on the board. This time, it's huge, covering up almost half of the space.

She couldn't take it anymore so she screams out to the room full of noisy children, "Which one of you kids is drawing this penis on the board? And why is it getting bigger each day?"

Little Johnny yells out, "I don't know who is drawing it, but I know why it's getting bigger."

"And why is that?" asked the teacher.

"Simple." responds Johnny. "Everyone knows, the more you rub a penis, the bigger it gets!"

= = = = = = = = = = =

GOOD: The tests are positive - you're gonna' be a dad again!
BAD: You really can't afford another kid on your pay.
WORSE: You haven't told your wife...

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:32
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