Cinderella wants to go to the ball but her wicked stepmother won't let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"

"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."

Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.

The appointed hour comes and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5 a.m.,Cinderella shows up, looking love-struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to have turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"

"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."

"I know of no prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!"

"I can't remember, exactly....Peter Peter, something or other..."

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Nobody loves me

MrsPerfesser was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to the old perfesser, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"

The old perfesser, busily occupied reading a book, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, honey... some people don't even know you."

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perfume Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy?"

"Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"

"Viens a moi."

"Viens a moi? What does that mean?"

At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'come to me'."

Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?"

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The rescue squad was called to the home of an elderly couple for an apparent heart attack the gentleman had. When the squad got there it was too late, the man had died. While consoling the wife one of the rescuers noticed that the bed was a mess.

He asked the lady what symptoms the man had suffered and if anything had precipitated the heart attack.

The lady replied, "Well, we were in the bed making love and he started moaning, groaning, thrashing about the bed, panting and sweating. I thought he was coming, but I guess he was going."

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A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and lame. They start talking and she asks about his life. He talks about his wife and his 13 children.

"My, my," says the nun. "13 children, a good and proper Catholic family. God is very proud of you."

"I'm sorry, Sister," he says, "I am not Catholic, I'm Jewish."

"Jewish!" she exclaims. "You sex maniac, you!!"

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Updated 21.3.2021 14:37
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