Another Bar Room Scene
Three men were drinking at a bar, a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, "For her birthday I'm going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way if she doesn't like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring."|
As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, "For my wife's birthday I'm going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way if she doesn't like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet. "
As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he said, "I'm going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way if she doesn't like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself."
Talking with the Animals
The rancher replied, "Yup."
"Mind if I talk to him?"
"Durn fool, don't you know dogs don't talk?"
The cowboy replied, "So what's the harm? May I?"
"Go right ahead."
The cowboy said to the dog, "Howdy!"
The dog replied, "Hello."
The rancher's eyes popped open wide.
The cowboy continued, "Is this your master?"
"Yep, he sure is."
"Does he treat you all right?" "Sure does. Every day, he takes me for a walk, he feeds me all kinds of great food, and once a week he takes me to the lake to play."
The rancher was dumbfounded.
The cowboy said to the rancher, "Is that your horse over there?"
"Do you mind if I talk to him?"
The rancher replied, "I know the dog spoke to you, but I know for a fact that horses can't talk."
"Well, then what would it hurt?"
"Go right ahead."
The cowboy said to the horse, "Hello."
The horse replied, "Hello."
The rancher stood there in disbelief with his jaw wide open.
The cowboy asked, "Is that your owner?"
"Yup, sure is."
"He treat you okay?"
"Sure, he rides me every day, brushes me down at the end of the day, and he keeps me in the barn away from the elements."
The cowboy then asked the rancher, "Are those your sheep over there?"
The rancher was horrified and stammered, "Them sheep out there, they're nothing but a bunch of liars
"Mom, I've met a wonderful girl. I'm going straight, and we're going to get married."
Mom is overjoyed, but can't believe things are going that good. "I suppose it's too much to ask that she's Jewish."
Her son says, "Not only is she Jewish, but she's from a very prominent and weathy Beverly Hills family."
Mom is beside herself with joy, and says, "You don't know how happy you've made me! What's her name?"
The son says, "Monica Lewinsky."
Mom gets silent for a moment, and then says, "What ever happened to that nice Catholic boy you used to date?"
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