Pregnant

A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.

"Sir", she said, "I just received the best news you could ever imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust."

She told him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant. The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his experience. He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one morning and all of his hens had layed eggs.

"I was so happy", he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."

The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me too."

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A Paratrooper's First Jump

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news.

"So, did you jump?" the father asked.

"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!"

"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.

"Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."

"Did you jump then?" asked the father.

"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt."

"So, did you jump?"

"Not then. He tried to push me out of the plane, but I grabbed onto the door and refused to go. Finally he called over the Jump Master. The Jump Master is this great big guy, about six-foot five, and 250 pounds. He said to me, "Boy, are you gonna jump or not?"

I said, "No, sir. I'm too scared."

So the Jump Master pulled down his zipper and took his penis out. I swear, it was about ten inches long and as big around as a baseball bat!"

He said, "Boy, either you jump out that door, or I'm sticking this little baby up your a**."

"So, did you jump?" asked the father.

"Well, a little, at first."

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Hebrew school

A four-year-old boy had just come home from Hebrew School. His father asked him what he'd learned that day.

The boy was quiet for a moment and then said, "Dad, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?"

The wife cracked up and told him the term was "circumcised" but the answer was still "Yes."

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A lady was quarreling with her maid, and the maid decided to tell her some home truths "I'll tell you, madam" she said "That your husband has told me himself that he thinks I am a better housekeeper, cook and laundress than you are! AND he thinks I am prettier. But that's not all - I am better than you in bed!"

"I suppose he told you that too" demanded the lady.

"No" she replied "The gardener told me that!"

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:35
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