Good news and bad news

The stockbroker called his client and said, "Perfesser, I have good news and bad news."

The old perfesser said, "Oh, shoot... tell me the bad news first."

The stockbroker said "Perfesser, I'm sorry, but I lost all of your money."

The old perfesser said, "Well, what the hell's the good news?"

The stockbroker replied, "I got laid last night."

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Children

Some newly married friends were visiting the old and MrsPerfesser when the topic of children came up. The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him.

They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy."

Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one as if it's your own."

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John Bobbit's Dick

Lorraina Bobbit was really very upset at the actions of her husband so she cut off his penis. Below is the part of the story that you may not have heard yet...

After she cut his dick off, she left the house with his cock in hand. She got in her car and headed down the highway. Realizing what she had done and realizing that she still had the swollen bloody cock of her husband in her hand, she tossed it out the window.

The penis flew out and was taken by the wind. It hit the windshield of the truck that was behind her. Inside the truck, there were two rednecks that were in from a hunting trip. As the cock hit the window one turns to the other and says, "Hey Billy Ray..."

"What Cletus?"

"You see the size a' the dick on that bug?"

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A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California.

Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for y'all?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver. While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down.

"What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."

"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 2000 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant.

"Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8 liter V12 engine."

"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!"

"How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver.

"That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.

The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.

"What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant.

"That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver.

"Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of everything!"

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:37
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