Orgasms

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

(In my next life I want to be a pig)
(How'd they figure this out, and why?)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)
(And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn't seem fair)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What the....)
(Well, at least pigs get a break there...)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(In my next life I still want to be a pig... quality over quantity)

After reading all these, all I can say is... Lucky Pigs.

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Scare Me

Little Johnny and Little Mary were walking home from school one day. As they walked along, they saw two dogs knotted up along side the road, screwing.

"What are they doing, Johnny?" Mary asked.

Well, Little Johnny, being a man of the world for all his 12 years, knew what they were doing but was embarrassed to say it, so he said, "Well, he's scaring her."

Little Mary said, "Oh".

They walked a little farther and Little Mary said, "Scare me, Little Johnny".

Well, Little Johnny thought, "What the Hell", so he took her into the bushes and "scared" her.

After they were finished, they started walking home again. Pretty soon, they walked past a stallion mounting a mare in the field.

"What are they doing, Little Johnny?" she asked.

"Well, he's scaring her."

So Little Mary said, "Scare me again, Johnny."

So Little Johnny took her into the bushes and "scared" her again. After they were finished, they started walking home again. Pretty soon, you guessed it, they saw a bull and a heifer in the field, going at it.

"What are they doing, Little Johnny?", she asked again.

"Well, he's scaring her." Little Johnny said.

After a few more minutes of walking, Little Mary said, "Scare me again, Little Johnny."

Little Johnny, being a little tired by now, had just about had enough, so he yelled out, "Boo, damn it, boo!"

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A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"

She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody any time, any where, any place, it doesn't matter to me."

The guy raises his eyebrows and says, "No kidding? What law firm do you work for?"

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What time does Serena Wiliams get up in the morning?

TENISH!

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:37
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