A homosexual went into a bar

A homosexual went into a bar and met a big, burly man and they soon left together. The next day the homosexual came back in the bar, all battered and bruised, with two broken legs and his head bandaged. The bartender asked, "What the hell happened to you?"

"Well," the homosexual replied, "that man I left with yesterday wined me and dined me, then took me up to his apartment and gave me a bath, powdered me down and put me in a beautiful negligee. Then he picked me up in his arms, carried me over to the window by the moonlight and asked me, 'Are you my little nightingale?'

"I said yes, and he replied, 'Well, fly, you little cocksucker, fly!' and threw me out the window!"

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Not worth it

A Russian man is walking through a bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell him some illegal Viagra for 100 rubles.

"No, not worth it!"

"OK, how about 50 rubles?"

"No, not worth it!"

"OK, 20?"

"No, not worth it!"

"How about 10?"

"No, not worth it!"

"Listen, these pills cost $10 American each. How can you say they are not worth it?"

"Oh, the pills are worth it, it's my wife is not worth it."

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Girl and boy are having a relationship of about four months now. One Friday night they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go on to get some food at a local restaurant near their respective houses. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.

Her story:

Well Ed was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it, but the conversation was quite slow going. I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately.

We went to this restaurant and he's still a bit funny and I'm trying to cheer him up and start to wonder whether it's me or something so I ask him and he says no but you know I'm not really sure, so anyway, in the cab back to his house I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me and I don't know what the hell that means because you know he doesn't say it back or anything so when we get back to his I'm wondering if he's going off me and so I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV and so I say I'm going to go to sleep and then after about 10 minutes he joins me and we have sex, but he seemed really distracted and so afterwards I just want to leave and I dunno I just don't know what he thinks anymore, I mean, do you think he's met someone else ???

His story:

Shit day at work. Great fuck later.

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"Is there a woman here in need of assistance ?" asked the medic from the ambulance as he knocked on the door.

"Yes." replied the man opening the door. "It's my wife. She has an electric vibrator lodged in her."

"Well, we'll have to transport her to the hospital." the medic replied. "Those things can be tricky to remove."

"Never mind." said the husband. "We have an HMO which doesn't allow Emergency Room visits except for life threatening incidents. But for now, could you at least turn it off? It's interfering with the TV."

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Updated 10.6.2017 10:37
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