Prostitute and politician
After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took $300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table.|
"Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20."
"Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed politician replied. "You can't make a living on that."
"Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?"
Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you're so old... how do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry!"
Three hockey fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road. They stopped and discovered a nude female drunk and passed out.
Out of respect for the lady, the Calgary fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Vancouver fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Leaf fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Calgary cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Vancouver cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes.
The officer then lifted the Leaf cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time.
The Leaf fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?"
"Well," said the officer. "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under an Toronto Maple Leaf's hat, I find an ass-hole."
The man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account."
There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, "Finally, I want to be irrestible to women."
There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
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